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ZERO-

i am the masked knight current rank c/LCDR
Articles Posted: 71  Links Seeded: 59
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WW2 the Super Natural Chronicles Chapter 1-4

Wed Feb 15, 2012 1:40 PM EST
By Zero-
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authors note: this is an attempt to write a book please i need opinions about this. honesty will be appreciated and question will be answered. if i have failed  to explain something clearly let me know so i can fix it. after this i hope to offer a chapter every 2 weeks depend on your opinions. with out further a due enjoy your read. 

Chapter 1

“Amanuel save me.”

The light of my nightmare was fading from my eyes .Waking in a cold sweat with my gun pointed at the wall .Slowly I regained control, admiring the pistol and its pure craftsman ship of it with it engraving of its name, “Black”. It seemed as if animal claws made it.

Slowly, I moved to put back in its holster and took in my room.  Plain yet functional; at least to suit my purposes.  There were only four pieces of furniture.  There was desk and chair (for study and paper work), a bed, and a nightstand.

Bending to one side, I open the nightstand. Digging in it, I pulled the one thing I valued most. The locket was simple, yet inside, was the most unexpected thing. A human soul. Not just any soul but the soul of my lost love.

Holding it close to me, I closed my eyes, remembering the darkness of that memory.

Red glow…all around us… a fair young woman… pouring her soul into a locket. Pain… I touch my hand to my head…pulls it away…blood …hand reaches for her.

“Anna!” I screamed; I struggled to move, to reach her.

She threw the locket at me as great hand reached out for her. It slowly crushed the life out of her.

“Amanuel, find my reincarnation; put my soul in it. Without my soul that body will be an empty shell,” she screamed in pure pain never realized before. Then she smiled “I love you “

A burst of pure white light and the memory faded.

My eyes closed. A single tear escaped me as it always did. Has it really been ten years, I thought brokenly. Yes it has. Yet I haven’t aged a day since that mistake.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

 “Your mail and paper sir.”

“One moment.” I moved to my sink looking in the mirror. A pair of blue eyes and silver hair looked back at me.

I reached for my gloves, each of them embroidered with a pentagram. I slide them on.

Moving to the door I started thinking. I hardly get mail. It has to be an order to kill from the mage council.

Opening the door, I looked upon an aging portly man I knew as the innkeeper. He was a simple man without a thought of the terrors that walk the night.

“Here you go sir,” he said handing me both items.

“Thank you,” I took the items, handed the innkeeper a pound note for his trouble, and closed the door.

Opening the copy of the London Times I read the head line in big bold letters on the front page. “Germany Invades Poland”

Little did I know how those words would change my life. Realizing what Germany was doing I sighed. So it begins, I thought. The second great war and the rise of the Third Reich.

Chapter 2

The rise of Germany was no surprise so the London Times was on the floor in about 10 seconds and moved to the letter.

These are not orders to kill, I thought felling a little weird throughout my body.

That left three options for who it maybe. One was the 23rd vampire leader, Queen Laya Te Hannaro. But I hadn’t had any contact with the vampires in a long while. The other was the mage council. The less said about them, the better. Then there was a French/Russian girl who was a little less destructive than a tank. Let’s just say the village I found her in doesn’t exist anymore.

Adrianna LaFlur was only seven when her family was murdered and she found out about her gifts. It seemed to manifest its self in two ways. One and the least dangerous was regeneration. Now this next power is dangerous within its self even with total control over your emotions (which she didn’t have then.). It was her absolute strength with speed to match.

Five long years I taught her what I knew. Finally on my last day with her, we sat down, and I had her take the oath I took.

“In the name of life and death,” we said I unison. “I swear to protect those who can’t defend themselves.”

She turned to look at me, silver eyes directly looking at me

“Master why are you leaving,” she said moving her raven black hair from her eyes.

“You don’t need me anymore,” I put it simply. “I have taught you all I know. You are ready to strike out on your own my, student.”

As an afterthought, I took off my ring. “If you ever need me,” I said slipping it on her finger. “Send this to me in London and ill move as fast as I can to reach you.”

“Master,” she launched herself at me in a great hug.

Finally I got up and walked away. I regret it; lord do I regret it. But in the end, as far as I could tell, her life was going well.

I returned my attention to my letter. Opening it my heart dropped as fast as the ring fell out of the letter. She in danger, I thought with alarm.

I read the note that came with the ring.

“Master

I’m being hunted. A paladin is behind me. Hurry

Adrianna”

That was all I needed to hear. The paladins of the Vatican were a zealous lot, destroying anything deemed unholy in the eyes of God.

She wasn’t going to die at their hands. Without a word I checked Black and her clips, walked out my door, went down stairs, out the main door, and into the cold London night.

 

The paladin smiled his plain white hair moving in the breeze.

This is the most fun I’ve had in a while, he thought. It exhilarating, standing here on this gargoyle, looking down on my prey.

He had been chasing the raven haired girl for almost a week now.

But now it must come to an end my dear girl.

He straightened up and drew a simple saber. The thing was he was fifty feet above his prey. Only one thing to do. Jump. And he did.

 

Adrianna was running as fast as she could toward safety, a church 5 blocks away from her. Unfortunately for her the paladin landed right in front of her

“Buonasera young one,” his smile was pissing her off.

She looked at him silver eyes filled with hate. 

“I’m Marcus Rayas, paladin of his holiness Pope Pius XII,” he bowed.

This man’s arrogance is starting to annoy me, she thought angrily. “And I’m Adrianna LaFlur, and I’m going to kick your ass you Judas priest.”

She hauled off at his chest with the force of an impacting car. That was her window of her escape, and boy did she take it. She was one block away from the church steps, when a sharp pain went up her leg. Looking down she saw a knife in her leg up to the hilt.

On the ground now she crawled the last few steps. But the paladin was on her already.

“You have given me a good run my dear girl,” he said rising his blade to kill. “But not good enough it seems.”

It is the end, Master, she thought closing her eyes. I’m sorry.

Rayas froze.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

 

I stood behind the paladin as he dropped his sword. I was in a fury. But I must admit some pleasure at putting Black right between his ribs.

“You ok?” I asked Adrianna worriedly.

“Nothing I can’t regenerate master,” she responded, removing the knife from her leg.

“Good,” I spun the paladin around. “Now, we are going into the church, and we are going to have a chat, yes.”

He spat in my face. “I don’t follow your rules, heretic.”

That was his last mistake

“Very well,” my voice cold and level. “Adrianna please escort this man into the church.”

“With pleasure master,” she said fully healed now “Please come with me sir”

“Get off me, you heathen bitch.” That got him awarded a knockout blow and he was dragged unceremoniously into the church.

 

Chapter 3

Now I do have a confession. This church belonged to vampires. Yes I know the treaty forbids the presence of paladin in the churches of the vampires, but this was an emergency

But the Vampires legendary hospitality was indeed true. One of their number in priest robes approached us.

“What beings u to the house of god my son?” he asked humbly.

“I’m sorry that we trouble u father,” I responded bowing low “I bring a treaty violation with me. Do u have someplace we can hold him?”

“Of course lord Amanuel,” he said smiled. “You are always welcome here.”

“Thank u my friend.”

The paladin was waking his left eye silver. He seemed dumbfounded.

“No it can be,” he said as a smile spread across his face. “Twin soul Amanuel Rex?”

He laughed, “You who sacrificed the one you love to rise a demon. You are worse than a heretic, you’re a monster. A monster who...”

My pistol was at his head in a matter of 10 seconds. “Never,” my voice low cold as a winter wind, “mention her again you filth. Take him away. ”

A “Yes my lord” met my ears as the paladin yelled, “Ye have sinned greatly Twin soul and shall know the lords wraith. Pray for thy mortal soul in thine belief, for he shall not thee mercy. AMEN!”

His screams left as they dragged him away.

 

Adrianna sat in front of me, her silver filled with concern.

I botched it no doubt. I had shown my weakness to the paladin and I knew I’d pay for it later.

She finally spoke.

“What is it master,” she inquired worriedly. “What was he talking about?”

“I have sinned as he said Adrianna,” I sighed remembering Her. “Her name was Anna. And we truly loved each other. Love like ours is once in a life time.”

“What happened to her master?” she asked, her silver eyes piercing me.

“I was in a fight,” I spoke trying to show little emotion. “I was tricked into summoning a demon. She locked her soul away in her locket and threw herself in the line of fire. She saved my soul. Now I carry her with me, to find her reincarnation.”

“So you are doomed to walk the earth forever,” her eyes locked with mine.

“Yes.”

To change the subject, I reached in to my jacket. From it I pulled a pair of gloves much similar.

“These are for you,” I said tossing the gloves to Adrianna.

“What are they,” she asked slowly sliding them on.

“Energy focusers,” at her puzzled look I explained. “They are meant to help flow to certain areas. Take my gloves for example. They’re meant to move my energy as a shield and into my left hand where I hold my gun.”

“Oh I get it,” her eyes light with understanding. “These focus all my power into my muscle, making me more powerful.”

“Correct,” I was surprised she had got it perhaps. I made a good choice after all, leaving her here. The vampires are the best scholars I know. It must be rubbing off on her, which for her was a good thing.

As the sun faded, one of the white robed priests walked up to me.

“Lord Amanuel,” his voice rasped at me. “The queen and her senators wish you to join them.”

I rose to my feet. “Thank you. Are they in the vault?

“Yes my lord.”

“Thank you good priest,” I started to walk to the door in the back of the church. “Stay out of trouble Adrianna.”

“Yes my master.”

I slipped into that door and out of sight

 

Adrianna watched her master leave the room. How did he receive such an honor, she thought to herself.

All the sudden her stomach made a sound, as though, it thought it was abandoned.

“I hear that all the way over here child,” said the aged vampire that had somehow sunk up behind her. That always worried her. It seemed that these creatures had no emotional imprint.

“You must be hungry,” he said with the air of a grandfather about him. “Go to the third door on the left. There food meant for humans there. You are not the first regenerator that we have had with in our walls.”

He was right of course but how does he know what I am, Adrianna thought wildly. There’s only one way he could know who I am.

“Are you an elder,” she asked trying not to be rude.

He laughed. “I have been called that by my brethren. I prefer the name I was born with, Victor.”

“I see…”she stopped the speechless as she entered the room. The chicken was in the center with massive vessels of mashed potatoes, green beans, baked beans and (the best part) a key lime pie.

All the smells over whelmed Adrianna.

“Feel free to eat child,” Victor said hearing her stomach. And indeed she did eat well.

Chapter4

My footsteps echoed in the spiral stair case on my way to the vault. The Vault did 3 things that I knew of, throne room for the queen, prison cells, and last but not least the senate chamber. It was to the senate chamber is where my footsteps lead me.

Near the solid oak doors stood 2 stone statuses about 7 feet tall each with a claymore on their back. They were meant as a deterrent for eves droppers. No one knew this if they weren’t vets to this place and it’s magic.

I paused at the door waiting for my queue.

“My fellow senators, this is an outrage,” a male voice young and aristocratic said. “He has broken our sacred laws. Lord Amanuel has brought a paladin into this sanctuary and….”

I entered the room I spoke. “I would like to remind the senator that I do thing for a reason.”  

Walking to the center of the room I was surrounded by no less than 27 vampires. 25 of them were in the stands glowering at me with their blood red eyes. The 26th was in the circular area was angered by my appearance.

“The senate did not summon you Lord Amanuel,” said number 26 angrily

“No I did,” we all turned to see a throne. On it a woman sat. Her dress was a jade satin garb that fit her form as if it were hand made for her. Her face was for lack of a better word, prefect. A fine amount of hair was pure silver and her ruby eyes gazed at me not with angry of fear, but with respect.

“I asked him here to explain senator Laymen.”

I knelt before the throne and with the greatest respect said, “I have come, Laya te Haramono, queen of all vampires. What do you command my lady?”

“You bring him here even know that the Germans have a demon bent on revenge for its destruction 30 years ago,” Laymen had made a mistake by getting my full undivided attention. I rose to face him.

My voice had a hint of iron in it as I spoke. “What are you saying Laymen?”

“I’m saying that you have doomed us to Hitler and his demon,” he roared at me eliciting a mummer from the assembled senators. “My lady I beg you to see reason. Cast this man out before he brings death to our people.”

“I said I came to explain a few things first of which is a question,” I responded slowly. “What if I’m right and the paladin and have to work together? If the Vatican knew what I knew they would back me if they knew all I knew. That’s the reason I brought the paladin in here.”

Laya looked at me and spoke her voice as smooth as satin. “You may sit Lord Amanuel. You have been an honored guest in this hall for a long time.”

“But… but,” Laymen stuttered like he had just seen a ghost.

“I believe Lord Amanuel is right,” Laya’s voice had that hint of iron that would broker no argument. “If we don’t set aside our differences we will be destroyed.”

Boy did that vampire stutter.

 

Adrianna was as full as she had been in a long time. She was seat in a very comfortable wooden chair.

Next to her the elder was seated as she was showing no sign of his age. He smiled at her, a grandfatherly smile that made her feel warm inside.

He finally spoke, “Have you ever been in the vault my child?”

Adrianna shook her head. “I’ve never had the chance elder.”

“Well it’s the first time for everything,” he said as standing up, “well you accompany me to the vault?”

“Of course noble elder,” she said not believing her luck.

He winced. “Please no more elder will you? I’m old but not that old. Call me Victor.”

“Ok Victor,” she responded.

She took the old vampires arm and they walked together in to the bowels of the church.

 

I’m sorry to say this but Laymen was starting to get annoying. I mean come on all he kept talking about was how trash the pact with the Vatican was trashed. And worst of all he kept vaguely pointing out it was my fault without naming names.

Adrianna enter with an older vampire just as Laymen was speaking again. “And they will hunt us down and kill us.”

I responded, “And I told you already that we will help defend you all. You’re going in circles. If you have a point, make it.”

At that point the elder stood up and spook, “Lord Amanuel has a very good point there laymen. Either state your case or leave the floor.”

“As you wish elder,” Laymen said bowing.

There was a little chortle from Adrianna and she whispered to the elder, “Evidently they don’t know you to well.”

Laymen face Adrianna and with a low hiss. “Who is this brat?”

Laya sighed, “A child I protect. She should know better but she is still young.”

“If she knows our customs,” Laymen said as if Christmas had come early, “then she wouldn’t mind excepting a challenge?”

I stood up at that point but Adrianna waved me off.

She stood there pushed her hair out of her shining silver eyes and stared coolly at the senator with no more than contempt. She wasn’t the little girl I knew. No she grew up in the years I was gone.

Her musical voice spoke. “Is that a formal challenge then?”

“It is,” Laymen answered and he did the stupidest thing you could do to get Adrianna angry. He jumped at her in a frontal assault.

His face met the end of a round house kick. He punched she caught it and broke his arm.

After 2 minutes of fighting Adrianna had Laymen down before the throw saying, “do you yield?”

“I yield,” Laymen spat.

At that point Laya stood up faced Laymen hey calm and poise belied her eyes fiery red. She spoke soft and low every word a knife. “Senator Laymen, you have committed a great sin today. I have protected Adrianna for a long time now you attack her. For that you must be punished,” at that point rose and she pointed one long elegant finger at Laymen.  “I Laya Te Haramono, banish you from this council for a period of 100 years under pain of death. Leave now.”

Two guards appeared at that moment and grabbed Laymen by the arms and started to move him force fully towards the exit. He would not go without a parting shot however.

“You have doomed France,” he spat out angrily. “You have doomed our people Hitler’s demon will come hunting for him and you know it.”

Laya smiled. “Let him try.”

Laymen was finally gone, and we all sat down to talk business without him there.

 

© 2012 Justin Boswell

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  • Groups: Adults of the Future, Cereal, er Serial Writers, The War Room, Vampires, Werewolves & Zombies, Writer's Corner, Writers
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  • Public Discussion (15)
Zero-

im sorry but i really need opinions

  • 2 votes
Reply#1 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 1:43 PM EST
mstanley2265

in a bit I will bookmark though for later reading promise, first though I have to take it off the poetry group and put it in the the Writer's Corner group....:)

Only poems in the poetry group...so poems won't get swamped by stories. probably the only rule I have for the group.

  • 2 votes
#1.1 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:29 PM EST
Zero-

sorry send me an invite to that group will you

  • 1 vote
#1.2 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:33 PM EST
mstanley2265

I'm not group owner or I would, click to join though and the owner should get back to you on it. :)

  • 1 vote
#1.3 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:40 PM EST
Zero-

ok

  • 1 vote
#1.4 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:41 PM EST
Reply
Holly-348328

I like it! I'm interested to see how you develop the plot in the chapters to come.

  • 3 votes
Reply#2 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:39 PM EST
Zero-

im starting work on my Nazi Charictors

  • 3 votes
#2.1 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:41 PM EST
Reply
Katheryn Brandy

I like it also cap.lace. You have real talent.I found myself really caught up in the story. Your style reminds me a bit of Jim Butcher of the Desden Files.

  • 3 votes
Reply#3 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:28 PM EST
Zero-

i love the dresdon files

  • 3 votes
#3.1 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:34 PM EST
mstanley2265

me too

  • 2 votes
#3.2 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:47 PM EST
Zero-

i always did feel sorry for harvey

  • 2 votes
#3.3 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:47 PM EST
Reply
mstanley2265

In this sentence, you may want to check, did you mean 'her silver eyes' ? Adrianna sat in front of me, her silver filled with concern.

And "There food meant for humans there" should possibly be There is food meant for humans.. You may want to check the whole sentence for starting and ending it with the word 'there'. A possible change, We have good meant for humans there.

It was to the senate chamber is where my footsteps lead me. Two verbs, a possible change....It was to the senate chamber where my footsteps lead me

ease droppers for eves droppers

possible change to clarify: I entered the room as I spoke. “I would like to remind the senator that I do nothing without a reason.”

spell check never catches these....angry of fear did you mean anger or fear?

possible change of word know to knowing..flows better :) “You bring him here even know that

possible addition of a word in this sentence: What if I’m right and the paladin and (I) have to work together?

Use of tense with a verb in this sentence: She was (seat add an ed) seated in a very

sentence structure possible change: Next to her the (an) elder was seated (,) as(strike the word as) she (he) was showing no sign of his age

verb tense in this sentence: ..was how trash (ed) the pact with

word change: then she wouldn’t mind excepting (accepting) note: I use to get mixed on those too also :)

force fully-- forcefully one word

Needs a sentence break.....You have doomed our people (.) Hitler’s demon

A small hint, read the sentences aloud as you edit. Not my hint... magz's, being passed along...:) but it does make sense...and helps in seeing where the words needs to be put right or the tense of the word needs to be fixed.

good story, keep developing it. Sometimes, added details are the make or break of a story. :)

  • 2 votes
Reply#4 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:20 PM EST
Zero-

thanks

  • 1 vote
#4.1 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:24 PM EST
mstanley2265

You are most welcome. I hit the high spots. You have to do the heavy lifting and Finish the story...LOL

  • 2 votes
#4.2 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:29 PM EST
Zero-

ill do my best

  • 2 votes
#4.3 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:35 PM EST
Reply
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